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I like mowing! I know that might sound strange, but I do! I like push mowing, riding, I like it all. When most people discover this fact they are shocked that someone likes it, let alone a girl. The place we are currently staying has a very large yard. With my mom on a push mower and my dad and I both on riding mowers it takes us about 3-ish hours to complete the yard.

I enjoy mowing mostly because it gives me lots of time to just think. I can meditate on scripture, pray, and sometimes even sing loud and off key. Last night we had our weekly mow. I especially enjoyed some time to think pray about college and all that this upcoming transition entails. Whenever worry or doubt makes an attempt to creep into my thoughts I remind myself that my present and my future is being held together by a God that has already been there. He sees my little blip of a life and knows each and every circumstance and thought and action and attitude. He’s totally got it all under control. I get the privilege of seeking Him day by day and relaxing while He takes care of the rest.

Just a short post today.

Today’s Blessings:

Some time spent with the Lord yesterday while mowing.

I get to go on a Daddy/Daughter date with my daddy tonight!

-Christy

Not Right Now (209)

Good Morning.

The nursing home transfer for my grandpa went well. The new facility is so much better than where he was and he continues to improve. We know that the journey isn’t quite over yet, but we are praising the Lord for how He continues to provide and show Himself strong in our lives.

It’s easy to trust when you can see God actively working in the same way that it is easy to walk in a familiar room with the lights off. However, the moment that God seems to have gone silent or the moment that circumstances don’t go how you think they should, it’s like are in an unfamiliar room with out any lights. We stumble, fall, bump into things, start going the wrong way, and sometimes damage ourselves.

I remember once in junior high I ran across a song that had something about God being silent in the title. A friend of mine mentioned something about how they hated that title and how it almost seemed like heresy, because “God is never silent”. I remember thinking at the time, that that seemed like a very blanketed statement, but made a note to see if there were times when God did seem silent. So here I am about five years later with my observations.
I have come to the conclusion that sometimes God does seem silent. God’s silence is different than what we typically think of when we think of someone here on earth being silent. God is never silent because He is ignoring us. God is never silent because He is angry or holding a grudge against us. God is sometimes silent, because He has something so much better in mind for us…Christlikeness.

God might seem silent when we are praying for something and it seems like He isn’t doing anything about it. Whether we are praying for an unsaved family member, praying for God’s healing, or praying for something tucked away deep in our hearts, God seems like He just doesn’t getting how important this answer is to us. When we are praying those prayers our hearts are crying out in desperate search of an answer. There is a longing in our hearts for God to just do something, anything!! You stare up at your ceiling at night wondering if your prayers are even making in past the light fixture. Sometimes it’s said that God answers your prayers in 3 ways: Yes, No, and Maybe. Sometimes when God is silent, it’s not that He is really silent, but His answer is, ‘maybe’. I actually like to refer to the answer of ‘maybe’ as a ‘not right now’ instead of a maybe. God’s silence is His answer.

Why is God answering like this? Maybe He is trying to grow your trust in Him. If He just gave us everything we wanted as soon as we ask it, we would all be like the spoiled kid you hate running into at the grocery store. The moment something doesn’t go our way, we kick and scream and demand an answer. Part of growing in your faith, is becoming comfortable with God’s answer of “Not right now.” I really think that an answer of ‘not right now’ is harder to deal with than a flat out ‘no’. God’s answers to us should not affect how we act towards Him or others. He has every right to answer us in whatever way He chooses.

Every time that God doesn’t answer us with a definite yes or no there is an opportunity for us to grow closer to Him. As we seek His face for an answer, we will get to know more about His character. As we get to know more about His character we will become more and more okay with His silence. It may never be our most favorite answer, but His way is always best.

Today’s blessings:

The wonderful rainy day

I have the next two days after today off work!! 🙂

Happy Mother’s Day (197)

Happy Mother’s Day! I personally know, that I have the best mom ever. We’ve always been close, but it wasn’t until we moved to Arkansas and I started homeschooling that we got super close. She would push me to get my work done and done right, and then we would go have fun together.

She is the most self-sacrificing person I know. She is always willing to place her wants and wishes on the back burner so that others can have their wants and needs met.

But those are things that a lot of moms do for their kids. What sets my mom apart from the rest is what makes her the best mom ever. My mom prays for me. When I was being homeschooled I remember getting up to get my breakfast and my mom would be down on her knees lifting up me and brother in prayer. When I was first struggling with Rich, I knew that she was praying for me. There is power in prayer and my mom knows it. She is an example of what kind of mom and wife I want to be.

On this mother’s day I just want to tell my mom how special she is to me. I want her to know what kind of difference she has made in my life, and that I love her SO much!

Today’s Blessings:

1. My momma!

-Christy

187

Lord,

I don’t know what to think. Im scared. Im confused. Im hurting. My heart is being dragged in a thousand directions and Im not sure I know which way is up. You, Lord, have proved Yourself to me time and time again. You have answered countless prayers… but it seems like you aren’t answering this one…

The tears hardly ever cease to flow and even when they do it’s only for a brief moment. Lord, I have trusted You through things that have seemed impossible. I have pressed into you and felt Your presence near. I know that you’re still there, but I long to feel Your presence once again. I wish you could reach down and touch my heart and make everything all better again. Im torn between two men who love me: My Daddy and Rich. I wish there was a way that they both could be happy. But that is impossible.

Choosing Dad means breaking Rich’s heart. It means altering his life. It means breaking promises I’ve made to him. It means being perceived as a liar.

Choosing Rich means breaking Dad’s heart. It means hurting our relationship. It means disappointing him and seeing the disappointment every time I look into his eyes.

I wish there was a way to keep them both. I wish there was a way for You to change both of their hearts. I wish there was a way You could draw them together and make them see that they both want the same thing for me.

I just want them like one another. They both say that they would like one another if the other one would just see things their way. The ironic part is that that is one thing that I love about them. Neither of them make compromises easily. They both stand firmly to what they believe to be right. They both ultimately want what You want. I want them to be able to have a happy conversation and shake hands and smile when in each other’s presence. I want the two men who love me most to love each other.

Lessen the hurting in my heart. Let your love wash over me and fill me with the knowledge that You are here, that You are listening, and that You know what you’re doing. I pray all of these things in the name of the One that is Most Holy.

Love,

Christy

Friendship! (151)

Good Evening! We shall see how this whole typing thing goes today. I got a nasty paper cut at work and I have band-aid on the end of my finger, so that finger feels really awkward when I try to type. But I wont let a lousy paper cut ruin my blogging adventure today.

Today’s topic is something that I hesitate to write about. It’s something that so many people overlook or don’t think about because it isn’t something just reserved for spirituality and is something that intersects with our life outside of church door.

Friendship!

Even the word friendship almost sounds cliché! Friendship bracelets (which I never understood, so if you don’t have a bracelet, you cant be someone’s friend?- I just don’t get it…) There was a really cheesy song that I use to have on tape-(this is before CD’s) that sang about “FriendSHIP and the play on words making it to be, “Friend-boat” (I think in the VHS version all of the kids were even wearing sailor hats….*shudder*)
But godly friends are important. I was listening to a sermon a while back that recommend that every Believer have at least three friends.

A Paul

A Barnabas

And a Timothy

A Paul is someone that is like a mentor. Someone that has more wisdom and experience than you have! I have been so blessed to have had a woman like this in my throughout high-school and even now. She is someone that I can always count on to pray and offer good, godly, advice. She doesn’t try to condemn me when I screw up but gently nudges me back on the right path. She has been my laughing buddy, praying buddy, and more often than not, my crying buddy.

A Barnabas is someone who is at the same place you are on your spiritual journey. You are able to share what the Lord has been teaching you, and hold each other’s hand as you follow Christ. In my experience this is the one that has changed the most often. This is someone who you don’t have to drag around spiritually, but is there as a companion. I also think that this is the person whom your spouse comes out of and if you are married, should be your spouse.

A Timothy- This is the person to whom you are the Paul. A Timothy is someone that you can encourage along spiritually. Someone you can be a blessing to.

If you find that you are missing one of these types of friends. Ask God to give you the right person to fill that void. Just so we’re clear, I’m not saying that these are the only three friends that we can have. That would be ridiculous. But those are three types of friends that are essential to life.

I have been blessed to have friends like this. I can always count on at least one of my friends to encourage me and direct my thoughts back to Christ when I’m having a rough day. In this most recent struggle I’ve had encouragement from my ‘Paul and from multiple Barnabas’s in my life. I am blessed to have friends that let me cry ugly tears and are able to get my mind back on my God by telling me the truths that I sometimes don’t want to hear.
Friends are an essential part of our walk with God. They are sometimes the tangible expressions of God’s love in our lives. I am so thankful for the special people in my life that put up with me and call me their friend.

Today’s Blessings:

1.My amazing friends. Even though they live in multiple places, I praise God that He has brought people into my life to encourage me and help me along on my walk with Christ.

2.Facebook and mobile phones that allow me to keep up with my friends scattered everywhere.

Suffer Patiently (124)

Im gonna be super honest with you guys. I almost quit. I almost said, “Enough of this blogging thing; Im sick and tired of trying to be positive when life is hard and seems unfair.” But, what do ya know? Here I am. What brought about the change of heart you ask? Well actually a few things.

First of all, I hate to quit. Quitting is just something that isn’t hardwired into my DNA. In my mind, if I quit, then Im letting all the people that told me that I wouldn’t keep up with blogging, win. And there is no way that I would let that happen.

Second, I began to think of how much easier it would be if I quit trying to have joy and just did whatever I wanted to. As I was mulling over these thoughts I was listening to a sermon that talked about how one of the main things you must do to have victory over your struggles is to endure. I looked up the definition of the word ‘endure’ and this is what I got.

“suffer patiently”

Yeah, my heart may be hurting, but that doesn’t give me the right to whine and complain and be sad all the time. To endure means to patiently put up with the things that you wish could be over instantly. I wish that I could just fast forward through all of the hard things, but if that happened I couldn’t grow to be more like Christ through the hard things.

Finally, I didn’t quit blogging because it forces me to find at least something good that happens each day. It requires me to slow down and think about what God is doing in my life. If I want to keep a God-focused out-look then Im going to have to work through the hard times and never forget that what God is doing is for my good and His glory.

Today’s Blessing:

The grace that God gives me to suffer patiently through unpleasant circumstances.

-Christy

God Is All I Ever Dreamed He Would Be (103)

Isnt it funny how we ask God to test us, and we ask Him to prove Himself to us, but are surprised when He actually does…? I wish it wasn’t like that. I wish that when I asked Him to show Himself strong in my life that I was peering around every corner waiting for Him to do it. Let’s just start by telling you a little bit about my morning so far.

I rolled over and turned on my lamp. I checked my phone and moved my water glass that I use to take my pills over a little bit to make room for my phone charger. It also crossed my mind how utterly horrible it would be it my water tipped over and fell on the surge protector next to my bed. I then grabbed my kindle and turned on my YouVersion App and grabbed my devotional book.  I really enjoyed the passage from “My Utmost for His Highest” this morning. I’ve been thinking a lot about prayer and praying more. (I actually plan on posting about that sometime in the future.) I want to be like the gentleman at my Arkansas church that never said ‘Amen’ when praying because He was never done talking to the Lord.  There were two quotes that I really liked from today’s excerpt.

“Tell God you are ready to be offered and God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be.”

That reminds me of the passage where Paul says that God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20-21) I don’t know about you, but I have an incredibly vivid imagination. I can think up some pretty cool things, but God says that He can do more than that! If I offer myself up to God, and lay myself at His feet in abandoned surrender, then He promises that He is going to be more than enough and prove Himself to me in ways I would never have imagined.

A few lines down it also said this:

“After this way of fire [total abandoned surrender] there is nothing that oppresses or depresses. When crisis arise you realize that things can not touch you the way they used to.”

That right there is a statement of growth. When God brings us through trials they force us out of our comfortable fluffy lives growth occurs. As a young lady that has faced several hard things I can praise the Lord that I don’t respond to things in the same way that I did when I was twelve. Part of that is just regular maturity, but part of it is the Lord working in my life and Him changing me into the young lady He wants me to be.

After I read from Mr Chambers I opened the journal that Im using to copy down the Psalms to see what I was ready to copy. I knew that I didn’t have time to write it just then, but I wanted a sneak peak at what it was going to be. Psalm 9:9-10 jumped out at me.

“The Lord also will be a refuge and a high tower for the oppressed, a refuge and a stronghold in times of trouble (high cost, destitution, and desperation). And they who know Your name [who have experience and acquaintance with Your mercy] will lean on and confidently put their trust in You, for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek (inquire of and for) You [on the authority of God’s Word and the right of their necessity].”

That’s the Amplified version of course…my favorite! That went along amazingly well with what I had just finished reading in my devotional. When I have experienced God’s provision in my life, then I can lean on and confidently trust my God. He’s a strong tower! AKA: He’s totally got this!!!

Alright so back to what happened this morning. So shortly after I finished my devotions my mom came in and told me that my puppy was sick and we were going to take her to the vet. I knew that she hadn’t been feeling well yesterday, and throwing up and not eating, but after I got home from work, I got her to eat a little bit and even drink some. So I thought maybe she was getting better. Well that was not the case. This morning she woke up refusing to eat or drink and still vomiting. So I got dressed and we drove her over to the vet. The examined her and took an x-ray of her belly. They discovered that her intestine walls were really think and full of gas. They are keeping her overnight to give her some fluids and medicine to hopefully clear everything up. Now im not one of those people that see my dog on the same level as humans, but I do love my little ball of fluff. She follows me everywhere, hates most of my friends, and has been my best friend ever since I’ve had her. I remember back a few years ago when she had a serious bladder issue and she had to stay overnight. I was a total mess, I was sure that she was going to die and cried my eyes out the whole time she was gone.

Im approaching it different this time though. Im trusting that God will do what He wants in this situation. If that means that the treatment works and she ends up being just fine or if that means that she doesn’t make it, im still going to trust God. After everything happened with Rich, I promised the Lord that I was no longer going to hold on tight to anything he gives me. My hands are open and will remain that way until He calls me home.

“Lord, whatever you want, wherever you want it, and whenever you want it, that’s what I want.”

-Richard Baxter

Today’s Blessings:

1. The cool ways that God answers prayer.
2. The ways that He continues to show me that He’s in complete control.

-Christy

Still hurting….Still trusting!

Lucky you…two posts today… 😉

It’s funny how a person can think that they are healed from an emotional wound only to find out that they aren’t. There is still a tender spot there, and when poked or nudged just the right way they discover there is still quite a bit of oozing going on in the wound. Two steps forward, one step back. That’s how I’ve been today. I thought that I had nearly healed completely from my relationship with Rich only to discover, that I wasn’t. For whatever reason, just thinking about not being at Village Bible for church tonight, hurts a lot more than expected. It’s not like there’s anything wrong with the church we attend here. As a matter a fact, I have a lot of people I love at the church we used to attend. But it’s just not the same…Village Bible was like a puzzle piece to my heart. It fit so perfectly. Yeah, I know the God we worship is the same no matter where you worship Him, but I guess I just have so many happy memories with people there. I’ve decided that there will always be a piece of my heart there. I’m never gonna be able to wipe the memories clean. But I can trust that the Lord will heal some of the hurt that is remaining.

Psalm 61:2 From the end of the earth will I cry unto you, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Day Five

Remember in my first or second post, how I told you about the really sweet church we found down here, and how I don’t want to leave them? Well one of the ladies who let me cry on her shoulder surprised me last night with this cute little fellow who I lovingly now call ‘Backie’. This gift couldn’t have been more fitting, considering, puppies and stuffed animals are my weakness. She told me she would be praying for me through this transition, and reminded me once again of Romans 8:28.

Yesterday I focused on prayer, but praying when you KNOW what to pray. What about when you are so stricken by grief or sadness that you don’t even know what to pray, when you are so blown away by what is happening around you that you don’t even know where to begin praying? You think “well it would be better if I didn’t even try to pray…God wouldn’t understand anyway.” That couldn’t be further from the truth! The great thing about prayer is that we don’t have to have it all together when we pray!

Romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. (NIV)

We don’t have to have it all together when we come to God! And praise the Lord for that! He doesn’t care if we use proper grammar or speaking skills. He doesn’t speak “King James” so we don’t even have to use the terms “Thy, Thee, and Thou”. I love how in Romans it says “Wordless Groans”. Especially recently, I’ve had some of those ‘wordless groan’ prayers. They start kinda like this “Lord, I don’t know what you’re doing or what your plan is, I don’t know how I should pray, but YOU know, and I pray that you would hear my heart.” And sometimes my ‘wordless groan’ prayers are kinda like this: “Lord, *sniff* Lord, *tear wipe* I just don’t know *sniff sniff, wipe more tears*“ It’s wonderful, because whether or not I have it all together, my God hears my prayers all the same. And He loves me all the same too!!

Today my good thing is once again a two parter:
1. My God answers prayer
2. My new little friend Backie

-Christy

This is a song that has also been a prayer of mine recently:

“Wordless Prayer”

“Take them from this heart of mine, to the Father’s heart divine. Speak in tones unknown to man, that God may hear and understand.”

Day Four

Good Morning! 🙂 I was dead set on having this posted by noon, but alas, life happens…

Anyways, I stumbled upon a YouTube video of a young couple telling the story of how they met and how God used their time apart as a time of learning and growth in both of their lives. Their story was very similar to and Rich’s and mine up to this point. The couple fell in love fast and made the mistake of giving pieces of their hearts to each other, just as Rich and I did. However, the young lady in the story had a very specific prayer that she prayed concerning her relationship after she the young man parted ways. She prayed that if the gentleman she was interested in wasn’t what God had in mind that the Lord would take him off of her heart and heal it. She also prayed that if he was what God wanted that He would make it clear to the young man, and he would approach her father when the time was right. That is a prayer that since hearing her story I have also prayed. I had already prayed to surrender my relationship to Christ, but what does that mean? I mean seriously? What kind of active steps can I take to really surrender the relationship to Christ? I think that praying a specific prayer is one way. It is telling the Lord that my hands are off and He has free reign to do whatever He wants. He does anyway, so it’s not like me kicking and screaming is going to change His plan, it will just make me miserable. I will be very honest and say that praying that the Lord would remove someone off your heart is a VERY scary thing to pray…But as I have mentioned before, that’s part of the surrender and trust that He requires of us as followers of Him. Praying that prayer has given me more peace than anything I have said or done thus far. I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He WILL answer that prayer. And it is my job to put my complete and total trust in Him, whatever His answer may be.

So today my good thing is: My God answers prayer!

The song I have posted is a song that is very hard for me to listen to, let alone practice. But is a prayer that is music to our Savior’s ears. It’s part of what I have prayed as my prayer of surrender to Him.

“Whatever It Takes”